By Mourad Ragimov

* * *

I find myself in what seems to be a never ending search for self identity.

Who am I?

It was not too long ago that I knew myself pretty well.
I was a train on tracks and I could see the land pass by out the window.
The trees, telephone poles, cows, grasslands, and mountains all passing me by as I moved forward.
There was a blurry black object far out in the distance moving closer to me.
It was made out of curiosity, fear, anger, hate, stupidity, and little black pebbles that taste like jelly beans...

Anyways, it was getting close and I felt drawn to its power and energy.
I willed it to come closer and so it did.
I willed it to take me and I see the black object launch into my train like a comet out of the sky.
It smashed into the side of my train and derailed me in an instant.
The energy of the black thing was so potent, like a drug, it took me to a place in my mind I have never been, man I tell you it was a trip.
If I ever had a bad trip that was definitely it.
When I woke up I was tilted sideways and I didn’t see the tracks anywhere.
I was just kind of stuck there on the ground, not able to move, and I wanted to try to move but I didn’t know which way to go because I was swept away from the tracks a good ways out.
I laid there for about two months then managed to get out of myself and stand on top of the train and search the horizon for my tracks.
I still can’t find them but I realized it doesn’t matter because I can build my own railroad tracks to run on.
It takes a lot longer and is much more work but it’s the only way I can find myself again.