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To my father,
I want to explain to you why I have disrespected you in the past and why I'm not always the kind of person you wish for me to be.
I am the result of you and mom, and I am growing up every day, having new experiences, which is leading down the road to finding out who I am. I thought I had it all figured out with my infinity stuff, and that was my mistake. I am keeping an open mind the best I can. I think that sometimes I disrespect you because… I cannot respect other people when I do not fully respect myself. The reason I don't always respect myself is because I don't fully know myself. I am just starting to realize what love is, I have a long way to go.
I am joining the marine corps because I feel it is right for me, because in my case it's not about money, its about me. I am grateful to have such a wonderful family who has supported me in everything I've done. When I have a family of my own I will make sure to keep the great qualities of this family and pass them on. I have learned that this life is not just about other people, it's about the individual.
And so I am going to follow my intuition into the marines and I will obtain an education through them because I will be more of a man and I will know myself better and I will know what I want. Becoming a marine builds confidence in the person, confidence to face the world and any challenges that come in the path along the road, whatever road it is.
I just want to remind you that I love you and I do respect you because you are trying, and you have always been trying your best to do good for your family.
I mainly feel bad about what happened in Kauai when we went on that vacation... I was acting like a spoiled brat because I thought I wanted to be at home with some stupid girl that I just met instead of with my family in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but I was wrong. I was just confused and filled with emotion and because of that I couldn't get myself to appreciate my time in Kauai with my family.
My infinity philosophy is still very interesting to me, but it does not cover everything, it only gives you something for you to realize that balance is the most important thing in life, I agree that I have been extreme at times, that is because I am exploring life. I am however, ready to make my own decisions because it is only MY decisions that I will learn from. You are doing a good job with Shayla, just believe in her and continue to love her and support her like you did to me, and she will grow...
...Anyways, I wrote this in a letter because it is easier to gather all my thoughts and have you read them, but feel free to talk about it with me.